I come here to be alone
Between drafts and solitude.
Stuck and unfulfilled
As if I settled on a love I didn’t deserve.
But I look back at my once yellow brick road
Brushed black and white
By every night I spend shadowing my hearts desire.
Breaking into this cadence…
Am I wind-up doll
Of cravings and insecurities?
Or pleasantly droll
Filling my blood with impurities
Nothing but me, to wither
From the lack of hunger in my gut
And I don’t give a fuck
No matter what you do
No matter what I say
The chances I blew
As if this mass would never crash
That high smile and my cheek you kissed
Caught in every snapshot frame-by-still
In the real world
No matter where we’re hurdled
Around this state
And around this life
Sleepless in serenade
Is how we let this love degrade
Content with a broken heart
Passing mallet of judgement
Slay my apathy while I tweet away
To that impeccable carnage we seek
Somewhere between the timelines
And our sheets
Betrayed by the bias that denies us
And supplies us
With that love.
Again and again.
I hope I know you’re happy
And it’s enough vicariously
Over and over again.
Sometimes there are
No second chances, no take backs, rewinds or restarts
Sometimes there is only
Now or never.
Thistle you pierce the veil
And I sit here in waiting
Calculated by the mnemonic
Testing your spears against
He’s with her walking the streets of my city.
But I remember I am from nowhere near.
Consolidated pardons my sick affections
Lost on loving you
Hating the place I stand frozen
Abating some tempest that hold my rush
I am running out of options
To erase this scar on my mentality
The pain from the hole that you left me
I can smile, but I can’t be free
From my specificity my languishing personality
I yearn for presence within an absence
Only to hold this my abscess
I need to be happy
For your happiness
I need to be a better man
Maybe sometime soon…
The bitter beat
Seeds like shields
The soft clatter
The forlorn reverie
Your hooks feeding strings
Into the mess I made.
Where was my head at?
Your good heart lost in the bedlam.
I apologize for the lies
And never being able to realize…
Forsaking a present love
On a lost whim.
You beautiful girl
Maybe we’ll meet again
And maybe I’ll be a better man by then